The Pursuit of Happiness

Our practice resides in a part of Chicagoland with many benefits: beautiful homes, excellent schools, relative proximity to downtown attractions, vibrant shopping and dining options. But alongside these positive attributes comes, at times, a focus on material success and financial, academic and occupational achievement. Although I am a proud social worker and strong believer in equality and parity in opportunities and options for all folks, I am far from a Marxist. I believe in capitalism, self-responsibility and working hard for our goals. However, I am consistently faced with young clients struggling beneath the burden of the achievement-oriented philosophy so rampant amongst most of America. In some of the communities I serve, kids in middle school are already more aware of the impact of ACT scores on their educational opportunities than I was when I took my ACT at 17. I've heard young clients describe anxiety and somatic symptoms created by a belief that taking less than 4 honors or AP classes will doom them to a second-rate college. And, sadly, I have counseled some parents who have vehemently defended their focus on Junior achieving straight As as a reflection of their inherent parenting responsibilities. Perhaps my perspective is a function of my age, or of the current prediction touted by the media that no longer can future generations expect to do better socioeconomically than their parents. But it seems to ring true, time and again, that academic and professional achievement is not the only road to a happy, fulfilled life. Should a child choose to be a clerk at the electric company rather than an electrical engineer, is he or she doomed to a life of physical and emotional squalor? Or is it possible that a life rich with rewarding relationships, a solid spiritual life and a desire to improve the world can be a path just as desirable? Indeed, no parent looks forward to their children struggling in adulthood. But any counselor can recount ad nauseum story upon story of people whose emotional,spiritual and relational struggles were as devastating to them as living on a paltry paycheck. Our responsibilities as parents includes not only offering our children the finest educations and career exploration opportunities we can find, but also to guide our children into developing the life skills of relationship-mending, spiritual development and emotional resilience. I'll admit, it's easy for me to adopt a laizze faire attitude toward my child aiming for the Ivy League. After all, when my adolescent son scored a 50% on his biology exam, his (completely non-ironic) response was, "Hey, that's halfway to 100%!" Still, I'd like to think that, even if my child dreamed of a career in the operating theatre rather than the Broadway venue, I'd still try to communicate the importance of less-material trappings as being vital to his happiness. Achievement may be one road to happiness; our children can benefit from being shown that other paths can lead to their own happy ending.