Grandma's Medicine

A recent Washington Post article detailed a mental health initiative in Zimbabwe that utilizes “community grandmothers” -- lay health workers trained in counseling skills, problem solving and self-care -- to help provide vital mental health services to the millions of under-served people facing emotional challenges. These elders are a vital source of support and healing for a nation of more than 14 million residents -- who are served by 13 psychiatrists​ throughout the entire country.

Known as the Friendship Bench Project, this effort highlights the crucial role of connection and listening in facilitating healing. As a trained social worker, I would never underestimate the importance of the education I received, which enables me to diagnose mental illness, discern appropriate treatment protocols for various presenting problems, and understand psychopharmacology’s use in abetting symptoms. But decades of book learning is useless without the gifts of compassion, empathy and unconditional positive regard that all of us can learn and practice. Feeling heard, validated and supported help empower individuals to value themselves and their experiences, and to make healthy choices that move their lives forward. Knowing the difference between generalized anxiety disorder and OCD, for example, requires specific knowledge and assessment skills. But any of us can provide a safe and welcoming embrace, an interest in each other’s feelings, fears and experiences. Like these African grandmothers, we can ease other’s suffering, and their isolation, by the gift of our genuine interest and presence.

No Fear

Any belief that generates fear or feelings of unworthiness is false; it's a lie...Our authentic self would never abuse us; it comes from love. --Don Miguel Ruiz

Freedom comes with realizing that our fear is not real. ​Our fear is created by the beliefs and thoughts we let rule our lives. Whether we fear snakes, being alone, losing a job or death, all fear is empowered by the beliefs we carry. The death of a loved one will hurt, and we will feel loss. But fearing that experience is a choice. Losing a job may create hardship or unknown consequences, but fear is not an intrinsic component of loss. If we can courageously choose to feel our experiences rather than fear them, we may discover a range of possible reactions, including wonder and awe, a well of inner strength, a softness within us that allows for the tenderest of connection. It is said that love is the opposite of fear. When we foster beliefs based in love, we expand our possibilities, our faith, our compassion for others, and our value of ourselves.

Flawsome

My teachers have all come with the same message. Not “I am holier than thou,” but “You are as holy as I am.” -- Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God

Even if we can resist the pursuit of perfection, most of us find ourselves striving to be better than we currently are, to grow, ​whether it be in knowledge, insight, skill or physical strength. Accepting ourselves as we are can feel like “settling.” But consider the quote above. What if, just as we are, we are already “perfect”? What if our ideal self is flawed, and quirky; passionate and doubting; stubborn and patient and loving and fierce? Being our best selves needn't mean pushing ourselves to change. Perhaps, with our failings and questions and achievements, we are​ as we are meant to be. Maybe perfection is messy. Maybe it includes mistakes as well as accomplishments. Maybe our “holiness” resides in all that we are, exactly as we are.