Not Just Child's Play

Play therapy is a viable treatment modality for working with children, as it utilitizes their "words" (i.e., toys) in their "language" (i.e., play). For many children, talk therapy is not enough to access inner conflicts and help create behavioral change and relieve emotional stuckness. Play therapy uses the dynamic of play to help children develop social skills, address growth and development issues, aid in emotions management and to resolve trauma. 

The Power of Play 

Play therapists will offer many tools to youngsters to explore their emotions and experiences. From story telling and role play to using puppets, sand trays and art mediums, children are allowed to choose those activities that best allow them to express their internal realities. Play therapists may interpret and reflect back the material presented by a child, based on their training and data collected about the meanings behind much of play's symbolism to children. Having a safe space to feel in control of play activities and to play at their own pace can provide young clients with a sense of empowerment and control of their own choices. Play therapy's flexibility allows adaptation to the developmental and emotional stages of each child. Organizations like the Association for Play Therapy (APT) are helpful resources for information and referrals to play therapists in your area. 

Hiding Our True Selves

As Halloween approaches, the stores are full of spooky decorations, pumpkins for carving, and costumes for adults and children, even pets. Rows of masks crowd shelves overflowing with orange plastic Jack 0'lanterns and bags of candy. Masks of former Presidents, movie stars, scary clowns, devilish ghouls. For most consumers, these masks will be worn for one day, then discarded. But many of us wear masks of a different type every day of the year.

Take Off the Mask 

Whether we present a confident facade during a job interview or a stern countenance when reprimanding our children, we sometimes show the world what we want it to see, rather than who we truly are in that moment. Certainly, adopting a certain persona can help us deal with a stressful situation or allow us to feel more in control when we are feeling uncertain. But these adopted roles can also prevent genuine connection. Only when we are authentic can others respond to our true selves and messages. We can only know others when they allow us to see their authentic reactions and uncensored responses. Connecting with one another takes the courage to be real, to risk shedding the masks and allowing our real selves to see the light. Let's leave the masks for those singular days of make believe, and treat ourselves to the opportunity to meet each other in genuineness and truth. 

Why so SAD?

Tearfulness. Apathy. Fatigue. Negative thinking and anxiety. Most people are familiar with the behavioral and emotional presentations of depression. But Mood Disorder with Seasonal Pattern Specifier (previously known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)), can be overlooked or misdiagnosed precisely due to its hallmark--a connection to the change of seasons.

Season of Sadness

Fall is many people's favorite season. The cooler air, radiant colors, and cozy sweaters bring joy and peace to fall fanatics. But the dawning of autumn, and the end of summer's longer, light-filled days, can bring about a drop in mood, energy and affect. Most commonly experienced between summer and fall, Mood Disorder with Seasohal Pattern Specifier occurs less often as a result of different seasonal shifts. A trained medical professional or therapist can help clients discern the difference between a situational stressor and depressive symptoms that recur every year at the same time due to seasonal changes. Treatment may include a combination of short-term medication and therapy to develop skills to increase awareness of impending symptoms and develop a plan for mitigating the effects of adapting to the new season. Just because depressive symptoms can blow into our lives like the fall leaves carried by a strong wind, don't assume you are consigned to emotional challenges for the next four months. A proactive plan can help keep your mood level and your energy stores high, so you can function at your best through every season of the year. 

The Stories of Our Lives

We all have stories to tell. And when it comes to stories about ourselves, many people don't recognize that those tales aren't necessarily factual. Rather, perspective, magical thinking, flawed memory, subconscious scripts, all influence how we see ourselves and experience our lives. For example, in families members are often unconsciously assigned to "roles": who believes they are the "cute" one, the "smart" one, or the "troublemaker"? I've had clients describe themselves as "perpetual failures," "never going to amount to much", or "a committed rescuer." These stories, at one time, served a purpose. Perhaps they helped us make sense of a bizarre family system, provided a sense of protection, or allowed others to "dictate" who we were and how we behaved that best worked for them. But these identities are far from based in absolute truth. And most of them need to be re-written if we are to fully flourish as human beings.

Re-Telling Your Story

I encourage clients to get a photo of themselves from when they were young, preferably just beginning school, and to display the photo somewhere they will see it daily. I ask clients to consider that child, filled with possibilities and largely stilled unformed, and rewrite a description of that child from a place of objectivity, openness and compassion, almost as if they were talking about someone else.  Invariably, people describe their young selves using mostly positive phrasing--"you are fearless and funny", "you are kind and love to give hugs and play with your pets." Clients reframe their childhood selves as "curious and big hearted and interesting" and as "loved and loving." With these new "stories" in mind, I ask clients to look at their photo several times a day, letting them allow the new script to sink into their sense of  themselves, to anchor itself into their conscious understanding of who they are. Our stories can spring us forward or hold us back. With a more expansive, comprehensive vision of who we were, we can embrace who we are with affirmation and true esteem. 

Change, Change, Change

The only constant in life is change. -- unknown

Change is the law of life. -- John F. Kennedy 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. -- Serenity prayer, regularly used by 12-Step groups 

Change makes me uncomfortable. Like many people, I function best with consistency, predictability and routine. I like to know what to expect, and love both creating my daily to-do lists and the satisfaction of crossing off duties when they're finished. But after almost five decades on the planet, I'm wise enough to know that change finds all of us, constantly, no matter how hard we try to outrun it. We can't know for sure what the future will bring, who will still be walking alongside us a year from now, what careers or partners our children will choose.  Still, despite all that is unknown and uncertain, I find reminders of the certainties that pervade my world--the birch tree on the corner that begins to flame red each September, the vibrant pink peonies that burst from our backyard bush for a scant two weeks in early summer. The sun's predictable slant through my bedroom window each afternoon, and the mint that grows wild through our garden each spring, intoxicating the entire courtyard with its refreshing scent. Annual school supply lists, prom season, holiday traditions. Then there are the less pleasant repeats -- the Christmas decorations that appear in stores before Halloween, quarterly tax bills, twice-yearly dental visits. Whether we anticipate these rituals with excitement or anxiety, we are reminded that patterns that make up our lives, loops of sameness, then difference, newness and consistency. As changing as the ocean waves, as predictable as the tides. 

Process Addictions -- Beyond Drugs and Alcohol

Process addictions, like compulsive gambling, sexual behavior, shopping, are similar to addictions to substances in the way they affect the brain. But unlike abstinence from substances, some  triggers to process addictions can be difficult to avoid. Human beings have a need for food and for sex. We need to purchase groceries and clothing. How can individuals find sobriety when the same behaviors that we need to survive are possible pitfalls into the spiral of addiction?

Compulsion Drives Addiction 

Alavi, Ferdosi, et al. wrote that "when a habit becomes an obligation, it can be considered an addiction." Indeed, any behaviors that are stimulating to the brain and body have the capacity to become an addiction. Process addicts struggle with restraining from engaging in these behaviors and activities, failing to maintain a balanced relationship with these actions. Treatment for process addictions does not differ widely from substance abuse treatment. Twelve Step programs, such as Gamblers Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous, are useful supports to help process addicts gain a sense of community, education and accountability that can lead to sobriety. Medications that treat impulsivity, anxiety and compulsive thoughts can be useful in the treatment process. Holistic endeavors like mindfulness training, meditation and yoga can help addicts learn to regulate their emotional and physical states to loosen addiction's grip on their sanity. Understanding the true and devastating price of all addictions can encourage more compassion for the addict, more interest in funding research into addiction treatment, and help develop effective prevention programs that can curtail addictive behavior before it takes root. 

Creating Meaning Through Ritual

Ritual is necessary for us to know anything. - Ken Kesey

At my best friend's wedding, I was able to anticipate the various components of the ceremony. Because we are familiar with the components that make up a wedding service, we can expect to see the bride walk down the aisle, an exchange of rings, an officiant ready to bless the union. We can smell the floral bouquets the attendants carry, and hear the vows the couple speak. We know what a wedding is because we have seen them happen in film, on TV, and in our own lives. We know what happens next because the ritual of marriage remains more or less the same as we move through time.

The Comfort of Ritual 

Rituals bring meaning and perspective to our lives. They help us create a sense of continuity, of purpose, to and between experiences. Rituals give us something to lean on, to mark time, to commemorate. Rituals bring us together, providing a common language with which to connect and understand our experiences and each other. Rituals provide predictability, a sense of sameness that can make us feel secure in uncertain times. Because we often look forward to the consistency that comes with pleasant rituals, whether it's the cake and presents at the end of a birthday party, or capping the Christmas tree with a generations-old gilded star, our joy can be heightened and shared. Even rituals that mark somber occasions, like the procession of pall bearers at a funeral, can bring us a sense of our united humanity. Rituals remind us that we are in this together, that the journey of life is made more poignant, more powerful, by the rites by which we mark it.